Thanks for the good thoughts sent my way. I survived last night. I was very glad that I was not the only single person at the information session. And while this place is highly recommended and has been used as a vehicle towards adoption for more than one family I happen to know, I don't think it is for me. Their philosophy is wonderful. They are all about openness and respecting all the parties involved. Particularly in making sure that birth families are not made to feel like they are inadequate and bad people but know that this is a difficult decision. So, yeah, I love it.
But they really only do infant adoption and frankly, I don't think that's what I'm supposed to do. I think I'm supposed to adopt an older child. Not 5-6 yrs old older but 12 or 15yrs old older. Which is a different set of terrifying, frankly. One thing I can give an older kid is a chance at college without going into a lot of debt when, as a ward of the state, they may not even have that in their head as an option. Is that strange to think about or consider? Maybe. Maybe not.
Last night I came home after the information session and scrolled through profiles and pictures and read stories of kids and sibling groups that want to be adopted. It felt so... surreal. And so sad. And I wanted to bring them all home despite their issues with authority and borrowing things without asking permission and expressing emotions.