Somewhere along the way, in the midst of Thanksgiving, I turned 35. A significant birthday on another holiday is pretty much a sucky kind of a thing. Most friends head to the four-winds and the dear ones that I had been spending the past several Thanksgivings and Easters with have moved back home to CA. If I had known about my brothers defection from Christmas with my family a bit sooner I might have flown out East. But I did not. Oh well.
An invitation came from a friend at work and I asked if there would be birthday pie. There was. And her crazy in-laws and surly teenagers.
The day before I braved Wh0le F00ds and bought myself a cake and some lemon sorbet. I have a chocolate and lemon cake thing. It may sound strange but trust me, lemon cake with chocolate icing or chocolate cake with lemon frosting, they are delicious. I also indulged in some gorgeous lilies, giant, deep pink, fragrant lilies. When my friend J. came over that night we had some cake. She also beat me at Scrabble.
The next day I hightailed it out of town to visit good friends and give their kids hugs. It was a good present to give myself.
Turning 35 was different than 30. 30 was crazy amounts of friends, an enormous bash, family in town for Thanksgiving. I didn't wonder about where life was going at 30. At 35 (and 25 for that matter) I wonder where I'm going and know I'm nowhere near where I would like to be. I am not a mother yet and have done nothing on that front. I have a mediocre career that needs to be refocused. I'm church-less and have far fewer good friends nearby than I would like. My parents are getting older and I am terrified that they will need me close by sooner than I would like. God knows my brother isn't going to take care of them. See? I am full of half-way-to-70 angst.
On the positive side, I have a job that, while not perfect, can be very, very rewarding. Graduation is next week. I enjoy the folks I work with and they are pretty good to me. I live close to work so I don't spend half of my life in the car. My apartment is rather fantastic. I do have good friends, even if they are not always close geographically. I have parents that love me and occasionally spoil me in a ridiculously fun fashion. They sent small packages, a few each day, for the week leading up to my birthday. My mom was trying to replenish my Vera Neuman scarf collection that accidentally got trashed during the move. I know the brother loves me too. The cats make me laugh. It's a much better life than many people have.